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BOSSING THAT UNPLANNED PREGNANCY

Hello, my beautiful girl,

Get a massive bowl of ice cream and settle in. This blog post is filled with some good meat.

This is a blog post for the girl who is currently walking an unplanned pregnancy or has had their baby and needs to hear about other people’s stories as your still trying to figure it all out.

You must be so scared. You must be wondering what is next? You must be wondering how you are going to get through this… I am here to tell you. You will. You WILL get through this and you will come out one strong mama!

When I fell pregnant with Houston I remember falling on the bathroom floor in tears thinking my life was over. No more youth. No more travel. No more socializing with my friends as they wouldn’t get how it felt. I had nowhere to turn to for advice. I needed testimonies of other woman going through the same situation and coming out the other size. I needed to see it was possible and my dreams can still happen and my goals can still be reached.

This blog post is for you to find rest and advice from women who have been through high waters and have made something of themselves. To see how they felt and what they have learned. I hope you know you are not alone….

I hope it takes away some of the fear.

Please know before you read the below stories... know that every single person is different and every story is different. This blog post is long as I didn't want to edit one word. I want you to read it all. If you are in a situation that you need to hear this, it's so worth reading all the stories. I promise

Sending you all so much love!

A x

 

 

WOMAN 1.

I was 26 when I found out I was pregnant. ‘Him and I’ were in an unofficial, but amazing relationship, although we both had dreams of exploring the world and living somewhere else, together or apart – we weren’t sure. I was lucky enough to be two years into my dream career after studying for seven years, he had recently qualified and too was just a year into his career.

It was January and we had enjoyed a summer of festivals. I had taken several tests that were all negative… It was midweek and unconvinced by the others I did another – a clear positive. I freaked out. I always wanted to be a mum, it was my dream job (or so I thought), however, I was heart broken. I felt like all control had been stripped away from me and I had lost everything. When ‘he’ came home I was angry and inconsolable, ‘he’ was lost for words. I quickly left to seek support of one of my best friends.

The next few weeks were a bit of a blur and I told very few people, I felt so alone. I was convinced people would reject me, think I was stupid or because I was so maternal I felt people would think I had got pregnant on purpose, which is so far from the truth. Eventually we told my parents and then some friends, who were amazing (particularly my parents, as they dreamt of being grandparents). Whilst their support was lovely, I still had a nagging feeling of not being sure of what was the right thing to do for myself, ‘him’ and the baby. I can promise you I experienced every type of emotion you can imagine over that period – extremely dark to extremely bright.

Now I am one year into being a mum and I absolutely love it. Sure, it isn’t the situation I had dreamed of, but the best things are never perfect right? It was such a process to come to terms with my pregnancy but once he was here it was everything I dreamt of and more.

ADVICE:

My advice would be to find someone (even if it is just one person) you can talk to about it. Someone who gets it, because very few people know what it is truly like to ‘accidentally’ become a mother (even if you message Abby and get into contact with one of us, we have your back!). Have faith you will find the light, it will not be every moment and everyday, but eventually there will be more good than bad, I promise. And if there is not, seek more support. Every single emotion is understandable and I want to acknowledge it is so so so hard….but also so so so so worth it.

 

WOMAN 2.

Hello beautiful mummas!! I feel honored to be able to share a little bit about my crazy journey of motherhood with you. When I found out I was pregnant last year, I was 21. I had been in a relationship with my incredible partner for just over 4 years when we found out. At the time I found out I was pregnant I was a student, in my last year of university working a part time job with zero dollars to my name. I was heavily involved in my sport playing at a national and international level. 

I had been training really hard for my first half marathon, and I knew something wasn’t quite right. I was feeling very sluggish, emotional, sore, quite queasy and had absolutely no energy. I thought I was getting my period with all of these symptoms, I waited and waited and it never came. When I took a pregnancy test and saw that it was positive I immediately rang my best friend who was on her way over and screamed down the phone at her to pick up another pregnancy test. She held the test so I couldn't see, we waited and waited… She looked down at the test, looked up at me and just burst into tears. I instantly knew it was positive and I fell to the ground, crying, screaming, my head buried between my knees. I was in absolute shock, I felt scared, helpless, I felt like I had ruined my life. I could not help but to think that my parents were going to kill me and I was going to get judged. Initially I was an absolute mess, I thought how could this be happening I had this amazing life plan, to finish uni, to get a job, to get married, to buy a house, and THEN have kids. As days and weeks went by I started to come to terms with the fact I was pregnant and came to peace with it all, I became happy, positive and excited. I was bringing precious little life into this world, which was such a blessing. I am a firm believer that I got pregnant for a deeper reason, this was Gods plan for me and for every negative, there were so many more positives. 

Having my beautiful little boy it is hands down the best thing that has ever happened to me and my partner! As soon as my son was placed on my chest straight after birth, I instantly fell IN LOVE. I learnt that love at first sight really does exist. This perfect little human was all ours, and it is amazing how you instinctively just know what to do. You go into ‘MOM’ mode. Yes motherhood is hard, there are sleepless nights, there are days where unless you have 5 coffees you can’t function, there are moments where you feel like it is all too hard and you are not good enough, yet motherhood is also the most rewarding thing I have ever experienced. This little human loves you unconditionally, you are their world and its such a special feeling. My son gives me purpose he gives me strength and he has created a whole new meaning of life. After having my baby, I perceive life in a different way, those stupid little things that I used to worry about are not even a thing any more. I have learnt to slow down and  that I can’t achieve 100 things throughout the day like I used to and to give myself some grace.  My boy is now 3 months old and we are in such an awesome groove with things now, he is the DREAM!! After having my boy I totally advocate for the saying “some of the best things in life are unplanned”.  

ADVICE:

Olalalala that is a hard question as there is so much advice I would love to give, but I think the best piece of advice I would love to give a girl that is starting out their journey of motherhood would be to slow down, lower your expectations, savour the moment and embrace the NOW. Take it all in and enjoy every moment because WOW it goes fast! Oh one more thing…. Even when you think your life may be over and this was not your plan, I promise that everything will work out, everything will be ok you just have to believe in yourself xxxxxx

 

WOMAN 3.

I had just come out of a 5 year relationship with my high school sweetheart (who I honestly thought I would marry, hence the tattoo on my finger (eye roll) ) and was thoroughly enjoying being single and living it up with no real responsibilities or commitments. I flatted with two of my best gals and we were honestly living our best lives every night of the week - think Rose, cheese platters and yolo nights out.  

Henry and I had just started “seeing each other” and had been together for a maybe 3 months when I woke up one morning feeling seriously dreadful. The thought that I might be pregnant didn’t even cross my mind, since I had been told so young that the chance of me conceiving was near impossible, so I just took the “you can’t handle your hangover” chat and laughed along. I had just turned 22 and was half way through my last year of my university degree with plans to go do a year in New York when I graduated and then a big successful law career on my return home. 

On that fateful day, Henry and I hung out and on the way home decided to stop at the supermarket to get a pregnancy test. We both laughed about it and thought at least this way we can rule it out - like a “Lol remember that time you did a pregnancy test” kinda situation. Telling him was one of the hardest conversations I’ve ever had to have (probably topped only by having to tell my dad). In all honesty I never had the fear that he would turn his back on me, he just isn’t that type of person (like he is just SO incredible), but I was worried that he would feel obliged to stay with me and I would be ruining not only mine but now his future too. 

Fast forward and we are now the very happy and in love parents to two beautiful girls. That isn’t to say that we haven’t had the downs with the ups and i know we will continue to, not because we are young or in over our heads but because we are human ( and i’m also the most irrational emotionally driven female everrrr lol). We have both sacrificed a lot - eg. time out with friends, money, properly starting my career - but we have gained sooo much more than we ever could have expected. And i know it sounds cliche, but if I could go back in time, i would not change a single thing. We are who we are because of what we have gone through.

The minute (or however long it is?) that I sat there waiting to see if the lines came up felt like FOREVER. I remember looking at the stick and seeing the one line come up and I was like “sweet, one line means not pregnant”, but then all of a sudden a second one started appearing. My heart just sank..

So many emotions ran through my head in those first seconds of seeing two lines:

•    shock

•    disbelief

•    panic

•    how will I tell Henry

•    how will I tell my dad, he will be so disappointed 

•    that I had just ruined my future, who would hire me? how would I start my successful career with a baby..?

•    how did this happen when I had done everything right?

The moment that Hudson was put on my chest after giving birth, I felt an overwhelming sense of love. It was something that I had never ever experienced before and I knew in that moment that everything was going to be ok. Nearly two years on and with another beautiful baby girl to call my own, my heart is so full. 

During the last nearly two years, I have learnt soo much about myself and know that I have Hudson (and now Haddie) to thank for that. I have found inner strength that I never knew I had , I have a new found respect for my body and myself which is incredibly healthy, I have made friendships with girls (and guys) that would never have come my way if I hadn’t been on this path, I have had to grow up a lot which has opened up opportunities I could have only dreamed of,  my outlook on life is so different and I am just so grateful that this is the life that I get to live. 

I honestly cannot wait until all my friends start to have kids and can experience the same joy and love that my girls bring into my life. Words will never be able to convey it, you seriously have to feel it. 

ADVICE:

Firstly, darling your life isn’t over, it is only just beginning <3 .  Yes things will be tough, no one’s life is ever 100% easy but you must remember that everything happens for a reason and you need to ROLL WITH IT. some days will suck, like really suck but it’s up to you to wake up each day and say “today i’m going to kill it”. Mindset is a HUGE thing when you are a parent. 

OH and It is also super important to draw on the help and support that is offered to you. When I had her, I felt that because I had got myself into this situation , I had something to prove to everyone, that i could do everything myself and not need any help. But there is strength in being able to reach out and draw on those closest to you.When I finally accepted this, there was soo much joy in seeing my friends and family connect with Hudson on a much deeper level than just “oh i’ll pop round for a coffee and a cuddle”. 

OH and ALSO do not compare your story with someone else’s. The old saying , comparison is the thief of joy IS SO RIGHT. You need to live YOUR best life, not the girl you follow on instagram or the life people think you should live. You seriously need to do you!

 

WOMAN 4.

I was 23 when we found out I was pregnant, my boyfriend (now husband) and I had been together for only a few short months and were nowhere near ready for babies. We had talked about it in our future and were living together so we were relatively serious but we went through a pretty rough few weeks after the positive test. We had considered an abortion which wasn’t something I ever thought id have to think about and if I’m honest in my own personal opinion I would’ve never have had the strength to go through with it (110% not against that route, you need to do what is best for YOUR situation). The babies (hint, am i right haha) dad and I went though all the motions and decided because we were fortunate enough to both be in well paid jobs that we had the means to bring up babies.

I did the test on my own, I had a week of sore boobies and crazy hormonal changes so more than anything I wanted to see if there was an explanation for it all because Google was telling me all sorts of things. I remember standing in the bathroom and then pacing around the house because those few minutes were the longest few minutes of my life! I was in shock, my stomach was in my throat, I was dizzy and I laughed which is my usual response to things that aren’t really all that funny. I called my best friend and we talked about how i was going to tell my other half. It took me nearly 5 days to tell ****. He was only in NZ for work on a short contract and I was scared because I knew he’d be moving back to his homeland and was worried he would he blame me or resent me for bringing this complication into his life. It was scary.

Its not always easy and sometimes I still find myself thinking what on EARTH have we gotten ourselves into but they fit so so well into our lives. I wouldn’t be me without them and **** and I wouldn’t be us without them. They are my greatest achievement and I am SO proud of myself for surviving our first year and a bit of parenthood.

ADVICE:

Everything is going to be OKAY. It can be a lonely feeling, you will feel like “your” life has come to an abrupt stop but things DO get better. Don’t be too shy to reach out to other mothers because I can guarantee you’re not alone in your feelings. YOU’VE GOT THIS. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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