Let’s talk about him…. the boy you may be dating or desperately want to date.
It's a big deal picking a guy. Yes, I say pick because it’s a choice to be with somebody. It’s a deal because you are incredibly special, talent, cherished and needed in this world so it's vital to have a man that compliments that.
I see girl after girl, go after the wrong boys or hang around with the guy way past their expiry date. They are hoping the relationship will get better over time OR think he will change…. Let’s cut the head off that one asap. He will NOT change and time doesn’t always heal. You seriously will go around in circles wasting so much emotion. Also, while you are going around in circles and waiting for time to heal you are building up expectations of how you think it will look in the end. Recipe for disaster. Not fab. Don’t get me wrong someone can turn their life around and you can love them through it and it might all work out but sometimes it’s the character stuff that won't budge. You want them to act, talk or achieve things that maybe they aren’t created to do OR even want to do. Make sense?
Story time: As you know I got pregnant with Huey when I was 19years young. Unplanned and in a fresh FRESH relationship like I’m not even sure if we were together at the time of falling pregnant?! So that relationship was hard from day one. We both had to grow up SO fast. We were both in completely different head spaces. I expected him to act a certain way and he expected things from me that wasn't ever going to happen. I remember playing all the thoughts in my head, he will change, time will heal, this baby will make us a family and open our eyes to whats important in life etc. It was argument after argument as there were major unmet expectations going on. It was unfair for myself and for him to force something that just wasn’t happening. As I was going through all of this I remember an older lady giving me some advice I didn't ask for. She said it would be disappointing to see me walk away from my son's father because of diffrences . She said every relationship is hard but you just have to stay for the kids as families shouldn’t be broken. I walked away in that moment coming to my truth I thought... NO, there are different types of hardships in relationships, some healthy and some not healthy. If its to do with the character of someone or that partner has different life ambitions and morals than you its never going to work OR it's going to be a very difficult road to get to that 'A team' destination if you even get there ( big statement I know but girls need to hear this with no sugar coating). You know what girls... I chose to leave because It was unfair to force and demand love with someone. I know Huey will one day understand that I did it for the right reasons. I want him to grow up learning what TRUE tangible love looks like. It was a hard decision for me as I was 'breaking up a family' but Houston will NEVER have a broken family instead he has two amazing families with double the love. I am now married to the man of my dreams and Huey watches us love each other every single day. He will also grow up to see his Dad get married to the woman of his dreams and see true love from every angle. So when it's time for my little boy to find a woman I trust he will have good knowledge and understanding that true love does matter.
I want to share that story because I can not stress the importance of picking the right partner not just for convenience or history (trust me I was in a long term relationship for 4years I know how much history can stop you from making the call) I want you to pick someone because they are suited to you and compliment your character with theirs. You have the same moral standards and you believe in the same things…. Iron sharpens iron, So one person sharpens another ( Proverbs 27:17) Your relationship needs to be happy behind close doors as it is when people are around. You need to be more than best friends. You need to be magic together. The butterflies don’t last forever and not every day is like the first date but that magic is still there. Life is hard and problems will always come but when you are with someone who is on your team it makes ll thoughts moments so much easier.
I know there are some girls reading this that are really struggling with this whole boy game… you know in your heart of hearts what needs to happen but your scared and you feel like you won't find anyone else again OR you will be the only single friend… OR you think about those nights where you guys just chill so you don't want to lose the company. well, I hate to say it but those aren’t good enough reasons to stay with somebody. Real talk.
I have dumbed many guys and have been dumped. I have been crippled with heart break on the bathroom floor screaming because it hurt so bad thinking my life was over. I have good news... I GOT THROUGH IT! I knew there was more for me. I have created new memories and my heart has healed. I am now loved like I never thought I would be loved. I am so looked after it seems a joke sometimes.
He’s real. He might not be just around the corner so he might take awhile but don’t believe the lie that he is not coming. He is real, alive and he’s all yours so wait, don’t settle. Be patient and know.
If you need to talk about this future please email me firstname.lastname@example.org I would love to be a listening ear and give you any advice that I have to give. (your emails will all be in absolute confidential) I am not a professional but I care and want the best for your heart.
Let's talk soon,