They will sizzle out any burning flame. In any relationship.
I wanted to write a blog post regarding this because it's something we don’t always think about or point the finger at when it comes to our relationships. OR maybe you don’t even realize that it’s a thing for you.
I read that one of the leading causes of marriages breaking up was because there were unmet expectations. Each person had expectations that were not being met.
It is funny because without realizing it we can be holding disappointment or frustration towards our partner because we expected something without communicating it. Therefore, that expectation was unmet.
Never bring unspoken expectations into your relationship. Instead, communicate and voice everything.
It is healthy to have expectations but it is NOT healthy to have unspoken unrealistic ones. Ones where you expect your partner to complete everything part of your heart for you. You are first you then you are theirs. You complete each other by each whole you bring not him completing the other half of you. Feel me?
The other day Daniel and I sat down and talked about a few things as there were unmet expectations that were getting us both annoyed… It was weighing a burden. We had less patience for each other due to us carrying this.
I expected that Daniel would know that the outside of the house is his space. It’s a blue job. I look after the inside of the house so its only fair right? So when Sai would dig or create a mess I would be so angry at him for not sorting that out before his next day of work. I thought it was lazy.
BUT it was because I had never voiced that that’s what I expected of him. I never communicated that I need him to sort the outside or to clean up after Sai every time. Straight away before the next sunrise appeared. Daniel did not know that it stressed me out all he saw was me being short and frustrated with him on every level because I was feeling like he didn’t care… but he wasn’t aware of my expectation.
Everyone’s expectations are different…. He might not feel the need to clean up after Sai straight away so he won't… he will get to it but it won't be before the next sunrise. BUT if I only communicated that I needed that from him it might just be different. I can not expect for him to be wired how I am or know how I am feeling. We are not the same person we are different people who are doing life together.
Because we have now sat down and spoken about it. We have a healthy outspoken expectation that is being met and will no longer put a strain on other areas of our marriage.
Another example for those girls who love a good vision so they can put into practice is: -You might expect your man to tell you how much he loves you every day, BUT the poor man might not know you expect to be told how much you are loved. It is not because he doesn’t love… he might just think “Oh, she knows how much I love her so I don’t feel like I need to tell you every day or at the end of every phone call” so because he is not telling you every day how much he loves you, you are feeling so unloved and unthought of which makes you so frustrated at him. Because you are frustrated with your unmet expectations every other thing he does you bite. There is not tension and disappointment which affects your relationship. It's toxic… can you see how having unmet expectation can affect things for you?
Here are some things you can do to avoid having unmet expectations:
1.COMMUNICATE OFTEN about your expectations and everything else in between.
2.LISTEN when the other person is communicating with you
3.UNDERSTAND with grace on what the other person is needing from you
4.DISCOVER YOUR LOVE LANGUAGE by taking this online test this is a really good one for figuring out how you guys like to be shown, love. Once you know this it can remove a lot of unmet expectations. You can start really filling each other love cup up.
Not communicating your expectations will add so much pressure to the joy that should be saturating your relationship.
Your relationship with grow and thicken when you walk without unmet expectations. You will now have more room to grow because there is now free space that is not poisoned by unhealthy unmet expectations.
or maybe it's about letting go of some expectations...
GO have a healthy fun relationship! Life is too short not to.
You are beautiful, powerful, smart, wise, LOVED, cherished, thought of, wanted and needed.
Believe it, remember it and go get em, girl!