Can I just start off by saying that friendships are so important.
People in your world are SO important. However, what people forget is that friendship is based on quality, not quantity.
I am not speaking about your partner; I am speaking about your friend’s outside of your relationship. They matter. You can not live your life isolated within your relationship. You have to invest in people outside of that relationship who will bring strength to you as a person which will also mean your relationship gets stronger. Okay let's get started
I am going to dive right in and say if you have people that are toxic in your world they need to go. You can still love them but that doesn’t mean they need to speak into your world and be close to you. Iron sharpens Iron, and one man sharpens another. You are who you hang out with so hang out with good people.
Hang out with people who uplift and are for you NOT against you.
I think it is not so much about history anymore but about people who just get you.
For example, my BFF Emma. She is the light of this world and seriously has my back. She knows me better than any person (even though it isn’t one of my longest friendships) She always supports me even if it doesn’t benefit her. Emma has helped me grow into the person and friend I am.
When Daniel asked me to marry him ( AMEN AMEN AMEN) I had known Emma for less than a year and I asked her to be my maid of honor. I just knew this was a friendship that my life needed. My character grew once I met her. See, it wasn’t about history...It was about true HEALTHY friendship.
Emma is the type of girl who reads every blog post and celebrates every small victory in my life as do I hers because we are not in competition with each other (remember this) but each other's biggest cheerleaders. Emma wants me to do well and I want her to achieve things that I will never be able to achieve ( she totally will because she's cooler than me)
I also have friends that I have been friends with since the day I can remember and they play key roles in my life also. BUT the catch is they are still in my life because we still get each other and we still support each other. If that had faded they wouldn't be in my life that's when history doesn't matter.
Babe, I know its heavy when you feel like you have no good friends in your world… no one that gets you or no one that you just click with. It actually can be very depressing as we are called to spend time with people and have human interaction, often. Not having a close friend can force you to question everything about yourself… “what is it that I’m doing wrong” or maybe you have changed everything about yourself to fit in? you have lost who you really are because you are so desperate for people to accept you. That's when I would say you are surrounding yourself with people who are not suited to your season or personality.
Take it from me who was not the cool girl in school and even now I am the Christian girl. Because of my faith, I have a lot of people who think I’m weird but I will never apologize for what I believe in and I will never change who I am to fit in… because the truth is, I have friends who think I’m pretty cool and not weird and that’s all I need. I am secure in those friendships and thankful for those people.
I have had some HUGE friendship breakups and it really hurts…. It can affect you for the rest of your life. I also know that you can grow distant from people and one day they can be so close to you and then the next you hardly speak to them nothing has gone down you are both just in different seasons and that’s ok…. It is so normal…
You will get hurt from friendships as people will always let you down but surround yourself with people bring value to your life as you will do back to them.
There are give and take friendships some are unbalanced and some you give just as much as you take. These are the treasured friendships. The ones you want.
It's no longer about trying to be in the popular group but more about not having a group just some real and honest friendships that don't go off who is wearing what but off who is cheering who on the most. Feel me? AMEN
Little tips on how to be the friend you need in someone else:
1. You should not be competing with your friend thats standing beside you.
2. You are to be your friend’s biggest cheerleader
3. Be gentle
4. Be understanding
5. Listen but also use your voice when its time to speak up (there is no point being someone’s friend if you are not going to use your voice when they need you the most)
6. Always have a helpful heart towards them
7. Be selfless
8. Welcome them into your family ( if this involves kids get the kids together and connected)
9. Spend quality time with them over dinner have heaps of BBQs!!!
10. Never keep them all to yourself. Introduce them to all your other friends. Bring your friends together its so much sweeter that way
11. Be secure to know your friendship is special
12. Always, ALWAYS hold your tongue in sharing news they have told you in confidence
13. Have a sense of adventure together
14. Laugh lots and always
Honey listen to me, its never too late to find these friends.
Can I lastly just say for those of you who are still reading (thank you) That you so deserve these friendships and you so deserve to live a life without people stabbing you in the back and actually having soul sisters who want to see you succeed
You are made to have great friendships and you need them. Now, GO AND FIND THEM!
Sending you so much love,